Life...and stupidity
May. 20th, 2004 12:14 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kallistiiWell, last week I finally went to the doctor, described my problems, and was told that I was clinically depressed. Which explains why I have had horrible sleeping differences, sometimes can't sleep, othertimes so tired, I can't get up in the morning...dreading to go to work...appetite all over the map...not doing things I used to do. The one that really put me over the top and convinced me to go to the doctor is that I realizied that I had not read a book in a couple of months! I normally read a couple of books a week! Even a new book about one of my favourate subjects (Druids) by one of my favourate writers (Norman Spinrad) has been sitting beside my bed gathering dust (literally!). It also explains my lack of posts here...sorry!
So, I join the ranks of the medicated...
Of course, things are getting worse at work. They are now threatening to fire me if I don't cut my hair regularly and trim my beard. They say now that my work has been substandard, and if I had a 3 month review after they hired me, they would have given me a bad review. This is despite the fact that my boss was constantly telling me how good of a job I was doing, and I am sure that![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
thepunkpanther can corraborate that my boss has said that I have done a great job. I think they are just posturing to try and get rid of me. I'm someone they can eliminate as I have *done* my job, and they are at a point where they can pause...of course, they don't have anyone who can continue development, and they are going to have a hard time replacing me since I don't think they will find anyone who was as desparate (and thus accepted such a low pay) who has the same knowledge of Linux that I do!
They sent me home to think about if I want to continue working for them, and they are thus trying to pressure me into quiting...I don't think so! But this is more stress that I *don't* need. My stomach was in knots this evening as I went over to visit our Phriar Phriend...I knew that I wouldn't be able to eat, but knew that I should...so I got something that I would probably enjoy, a pizza...but it didn't taste like anything. It is probably the blandest pizza I've ever eaten. But Dominos has utterly standard sauces, cheese and pepperoni...and I don't think that they just got in a shipment bland sauce and pepperoni...so it must have been me. Maybe with a full stomach I will be able to get to sleep tonight...I don't know if I will be able to sleep otherwise. But the jurry is still out on sleep tonight.
Luckily, I go and see my doctor tomorrow...or is that now today. When I first described my problem, I nearly cried. I don't think I will be able to hold back the tears this time...I had hoped beyound hope that this job would work out...now it's the same old shit. And so-called christians again show how really "christian" they are. I'm not suprised that they used to work for the PTL Club!
Well, I should go and at least *try* to sleep...wish me luck!
ttyl
So, I join the ranks of the medicated...
Of course, things are getting worse at work. They are now threatening to fire me if I don't cut my hair regularly and trim my beard. They say now that my work has been substandard, and if I had a 3 month review after they hired me, they would have given me a bad review. This is despite the fact that my boss was constantly telling me how good of a job I was doing, and I am sure that
thepunkpanther can corraborate that my boss has said that I have done a great job. I think they are just posturing to try and get rid of me. I'm someone they can eliminate as I have *done* my job, and they are at a point where they can pause...of course, they don't have anyone who can continue development, and they are going to have a hard time replacing me since I don't think they will find anyone who was as desparate (and thus accepted such a low pay) who has the same knowledge of Linux that I do! They sent me home to think about if I want to continue working for them, and they are thus trying to pressure me into quiting...I don't think so! But this is more stress that I *don't* need. My stomach was in knots this evening as I went over to visit our Phriar Phriend...I knew that I wouldn't be able to eat, but knew that I should...so I got something that I would probably enjoy, a pizza...but it didn't taste like anything. It is probably the blandest pizza I've ever eaten. But Dominos has utterly standard sauces, cheese and pepperoni...and I don't think that they just got in a shipment bland sauce and pepperoni...so it must have been me. Maybe with a full stomach I will be able to get to sleep tonight...I don't know if I will be able to sleep otherwise. But the jurry is still out on sleep tonight.
Luckily, I go and see my doctor tomorrow...or is that now today. When I first described my problem, I nearly cried. I don't think I will be able to hold back the tears this time...I had hoped beyound hope that this job would work out...now it's the same old shit. And so-called christians again show how really "christian" they are. I'm not suprised that they used to work for the PTL Club!
Well, I should go and at least *try* to sleep...wish me luck!
ttyl
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
Wow...
Date: 2004-05-20 06:54 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-05-20 12:15 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-05-20 12:46 pm (UTC)Good for you for keeping on top of your moods! Don't let your job control you - easy to say, but i know you can make it into what you need it to be.
no subject
Date: 2004-05-20 03:40 pm (UTC)Sometimes employers can be a bit short-sighted, hopefully someone there will realize that what they are trying to do is a bad idea.
no subject
Date: 2004-05-20 05:37 pm (UTC)Thanx everyone!
Date: 2004-05-20 10:04 pm (UTC)Thank you all for your support! Hugs and warm thank you smiles to all!
My doctor has written me a letter saying that in my present condition, I should not make any life affecting decisions, like quiting my job, and that I cannot be held accountable for things that they are complaining about since they are symptoms of my illness. If they still fire me, then I have good grounds to go after them.
I'll try and keep everyone up to date about what is happening...
Thanx for caring.
ttyl
hugz BANZAI!!!!
Date: 2004-05-20 11:40 pm (UTC)